Where do I start. I think to a lot of people 'Fall' can be a closing down or a mute to larger things to come. A sort of 'prep'. A comfort calm is probably a good way to put it. In most cases I'm sure that may apply to me. For a lot of different reasons I think that this fall out of all the others I've experienced over the 31 years of my life are a little different in this case. When I look at myself in the mirror not only do I not rezinize myself anymore physical I really don't even act like the same person I was this time last year. Yes, this is me telling it all but at the same time it really isn't anything new to people that know me, it's actually just a way for me to lay it on the table and say WOW... don't blink... cuz SHIT can happen again in an instant. I put up a guard like nothing else to make sure it doesn't but at the same time I know it can and probably will happen again at some point. Life likes to fuck you up unless your already bitter then your kinda like teflon. I'm almost there. I let some shit slip by but I'm working on it. I'm like a five year old Teflon pan that still works but you have scrap it a bit to get the shit off.
I get a lot of illustration job offers all the time and I'm sorry to those of you who I've turned down. At this point in my life I just don't draw anymore. I haven't in a year. I'm sure that'll change at some point but I've really focused on doing things that inspire me and not only make myself happy but can benefit others in ways that have no 'NAME' or 'CREDIT' attached to it. I never gave much thought to 'that guy' but I've become 'that guy' and it's very rewarding.
Part of getting to that point for me was to literally let go of everything. This person that brought me to that point lied and hurt me in ways that I wouldn't do to my worst enemy. It's almost as if she went out of her way to make my life shit because she was selfish and immature. It's been a rough road to let go of it. It took a lot to get there but the one thing that really started the tides of change for me were when I decided that she has already taken soooo much from me. I refuse for her to steal my life as well.
I do believe I've been enlightened. When I say that I'm not saying I believe in God.. or afterlife. Actually just the opposite. As sad as it makes a lot of people I know I truly believe that we are all just a bunch of molecules bouncing off each other. Things don't happen for a reason. People put faith in that because they want blind hope for something larger. Hate to break it to you but there isn't anything larger. When you die you die and all the good and bad shit that happens to you during your life is exactly just that. So don't dwell on it or disregard it. JUST LET IT BE AS IT IS!!! When you finally realize that you will truly be let free. I'm not Atheist... I just don't know and that is just about the same answer that anyone on this planet can say.
Last Halloween I tried to make the best birthday party possible for the one person in the world that meant the most to me.... this year, I'm DJ'n for hundreds of people to make their Halloween as awesome as possible. The latest update was we have two shool busses of people coming in full of people that want to get their groove on. I'd switch it up in an instant for that same feeling but u gotta admit... it's pretty damn cool when you have a sea of people bouncing to your whim To think, people used to hook me up with music As Bob Dylan says...'Times are a changin'You hum a song.. I know it. You say ' you know that guy who does that thing' I know it It's really very liberating and constricting at the same time. Cuz if I don't know the song someone wants me to play... I'll spend three days tracking it down
I think the last week as been a huge amount of retrospect for me. One Ex in the I.C.U who I had to break to her that her current boyfriend is dead now, one who is married and with a kid tells me she still dreams about me, another who is going through a divorce who has a kid and i made out with the other day and has no idea what to do with her life and the I have about 15 other stories happening at the moment that I can't even get into because I really don't have the finger Passions to deal with it
I just wish life was simple again for a moment....
To think, people used to hook me up with music
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